Vicky

Hans is walking around in a trance for the next few days, and can’t believe his luck. He realises that status and mystique means everything. Meanwhile Victoria is sitting by the telephone waiting for his call, and after three days decides that he’s too special, and she doesn’t want to lose him. She’s desperate and decides to go to the Adlon Hotel before he leaves, as she knows that spies are always on the move, and are a rare and exotic breed.
Hans is nervous. He’s besotted with Victoria and he’s unable to concentrate on anything for the last 3 days. Yesterday he tripped over a suitcase and fell down the stairs, colliding with an elderly lady. She injured her leg and needed medical assistance. The hotel manager was not impressed and Hans was threatened with dismissal.This morning he spent most of his week’s wages on a bouquet of red roses in the hotel’s florist shop. Most of the staff are making jokes about the posh porter behind his back and some of them refer to him as ‘Cockroach Koch’. Hans is trying to work up the courage to ring Victoria and arrange a date for this evening. The problem is that he’s not quite sure what to say.
She’s got successful parents and they live in a luxurious villa surrounded by elm trees. He’s alone and has no one to confide in. He feels like an outcast who belongs to nothing, and seems to be destined to a lifetime journey travelling on a twisted road filled with misery and insecurity. Poor Hans has been an outsider from childhood and he would kill to be an insider. Victoria is too good for him. How will she react if he tells her the truth? He’d prefer not to live a lie in his first relationship. Telling lies about lies is not the way he wants to live. Will she be happy to tell her rich friends that her new boyfriend is a porter? He’s not just a porter, but a porter without parents. He can’t introduce her to his non-existent family. He’s sick of having a permanent identity crisis.
Hans only refuge is a lonely, little attic room, filled with an iron bed with broken springs and a wafer thin mattress, which he shares with the local fly population. He’s joined by two resident mice, which are intent on starting a family. When he looks out his attic window he feels like a trapped pigeon. The peephole doesn’t close properly and he has to stuff the gap with a blanket, which he stole from the hotel. The furniture is complemented with a table that has a gammy leg and an unstable three-legged stool. His room makes an average prison cell look inviting.
Victoria dresses in her finest, and borrows her mother’s sable coat, and takes a taxi to the Adlon.
She goes into the restaurant and approaches the senior waiter.
“Excuse me, please. I’m looking for a Hans Koch. He’s staying in the hotel.”
“Madam, we have someone of that name working here, but you’d have to check at reception to see if they have a guest with that name.”
“The Hans I’m looking for is about 22 years old, approximately 172 to 175 cm tall, stock’ily built, with short blond hair, blue eyes and a fresh complexion.”
“Yes, madam, that’s him. He’s been working here as a porter for the last two years, and I believe that he worked as a farmhand in Oranienburg, before he took up employment here.”
“Many thanks. You’ve been very helpful.”
“It’s been a pleasure, madam. Good day.”This has been Victoria’s darkest day and she’s sick with rage, as she storms into the foyer, where she sees her out of breath spy coming in through the main entrance, hauling a trolley load of suitcases and dressed in a ridiculous looking uniform. He looks like a garden gnome. Poor Hans doesn’t see her until she’s standing in front of him, blocking his path. She clicks her fingers and screams:
“Gepäckträger, Gepäckträger! (porter) I want you to trot outside and collect my luggage, you horrible little man.”
Hans’ face has turned white, as his pathetic little world comes crashing to the ground. He’s unaware that the reception staff and several guests are staring at him.
“Your uniform suits you. Where are your medals? When you’ve collected my luggage, I demand that you polish my boots.”
And with that Victoria marches towards the exit, crashing the doors behind her.
Hans is trembling and grabs a suitcase, and throws it in the direction of the reception desk, and dumps his porter’s jacket on the floor. He heads for the exit like a mad bull, waiting for a chance to kill the first person who gets in his way.
When he gets back to his apartment he throws the rest of his uniform into the incinerator, and goes to the nearest pub to get smashed.